Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
