dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
