The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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