He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
