We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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