is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
