Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
