Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
