I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
