Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
