Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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