I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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