Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
