just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
