He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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