I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
