hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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