when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
