He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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