so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
