My first STD was from a foam party
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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