is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
