I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
