They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
