If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
