Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
And the cops told us we were all naked.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Randomize
