We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
