I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
