Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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