i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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