I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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