I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
