I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
