Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
