it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
