He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
