i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
