Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
