youre lurking in front of me
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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