I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
