dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
