Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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