I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
