I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
