My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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