A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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