watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize