Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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