i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
