Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
