Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
