He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
