we're blogging at a bar
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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