how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
