WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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