please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
