shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
