jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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