just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
