Got a toothbrush?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
