But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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