it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
