Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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