Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
