Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
