This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
