Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
