I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Of course I have a pirate flag
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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