I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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