Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
