She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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