I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
