You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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