I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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