I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
