Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
