Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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