We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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