Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
