She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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