You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
