Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
