my phone needs a breathalizer
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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