I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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