Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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