glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
