The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
