Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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