If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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