He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
